December 25, 2009
My New Year Resolutions and Wishes
I am a political junkie. I need to go into rehab next year. It’s not easy when your dealers provide you with such good shit. I get my daily fix. Republicans are my uppers, Democrats are my downers. There were times when I was ambivalent towards American political process: The Right, The Left – what the hell is the difference? Perhaps, I could have made a good Republican under different circumstances. I was also pretty neutral about religion. That was before I went to Christian college. Not just any Christian, but Southern Baptist – they are the worst! And then Clinton had his dick sucked by Monica. And everything changed. Clinton was my gateway drug to American politics. Very appropriate I must say, as he was a pothead.
You see, politicians without vices give me pause. If you don’t receive occasional blowjob, don’t gamble, don’t drink, don’t smoke, etc. then what do you do for release? Imagine morality as a balloon. You suppress pleasurable activities in one area and they manifest itself in another. You suppress alcohol consumption, drugs, gambling – and next thing you know you’re discovered soliciting gay sex in airport bathroom. Bush made me very uncomfortable for that reason. Squeaky clean exterior only made me wonder about what he was hiding in his closet. Or were we supposed to ignore all that because he found Jesus? Or was I to believe that his stress mitigation technique was cutting brush? Also, his carefully crafted “cowboy” persona didn’t play well with the fact that he was afraid of horses and never rode them. Later, of course, it became obvious that his vice was dick competition on a grand scale. As in “my dick is bigger than yours”. Bush was my one big bad LSD trip. I had a continuous feeling that something really bad was going to happen, although I couldn’t tell what. I don’t mean 9/11, I mean what came afterwards. The same way, I guess, that Obama is a bad LSD trip for many conservatives.
By the way, I relaxed about Obama when I found out that he smokes and he’s a fellow poker player. I like my politicians to play poker. I’m just not sure of what he’s doing at this particular juncture.
Anyway, I wish to get off the political needle next year. I’m one step through – I have admitted I have a problem.
My wishes for Democrats are pretty obvious. Aside from growing a pair, I’d like them to expand their range of political tools. They seem to get used to shit being thrown at them and over all these years they still haven’t developed adequate responses to mudslinging. They will need it in 2010 and more importantly in 2012. In fact, if they’d be the first to throw some outrageous nonsense at Republicans, that would create havoc in their camp as it would be something totally unexpected. Why the scenario always have to look like this: Republicans come over to your house, shit in your pool and then when you point it out to them they point fingers at you and scream “Look at you, you pathetic liberals – you have shit in your pool and you can’t even clean it!”?
I mean, look at the stuff they throw at you – the complete batshit stuff – you will kill the grandma; Obama is a Muslim AND a godless commie; government death panels. And it sticks! And you end up in a position where you have to prove a negative. I think you should just come with even crazier stuff to throw back at them and let them respond. For instance, Glenn Beck is gay. Frankly, I think this one might stick. Just look at him.
He has a cute round baby face.
Oh, just look at those sphincter lips!
He’s too emotional.
He likes to dress up.
Rush Limbaugh is an anarchist (this one should be easy – he hates government). See how they rush (no pun intended) to defend anarchists. I actually think that’s a plausible scenario – they will not try to deny it, they will embrace it and will compete with each other who is a bigger anarchist. Watch them quote Bakunin towards the year end!
I’m just throwing these examples at you, but I hope you got the idea!
For this kind of dirty work you will need someone like Lee Atwater or Karl Rove and I don’t think you have anybody who can do such kind of work. I know, I know. It’s ugly and you want to maintain your moral high ground. Well, folks, Republicans changed the rules a long time ago and now they have missiles in dirty war, where you still have spears. This war is upon you whether you like it or not.
That’s all.
I’m off to Asia for the next 2 months. My mind will be occupied with other, more pleasant things. I wish you all a very Happy New Year.
December 17, 2009
A Lesson in History for Democrats
Dear Democrats! As much as I want to use a bunch of epithets for you, I’ll restrain myself. Instead, I’ll tell you a story. You know, back in the days, when warfare consisted of men on horseback with arrows it wasn’t really that much different from warfare today.
In early 13th century there was a powerful shah, Muhammad II, ruling a vast empire covering modern day Iran and Afghanistan. He was enormously wealthy and had a well-trained army. To the east of his empire the Mongols roamed the vast empty steppes. You know, of course, that Mongols didn’t have any structured government, didn’t have a capital and were, in the eyes of their cultured neighbors, a bunch of unwashed ignorant barbarians. Their presence, however, didn’t bother the shah much, since his armies were far more superior in numbers and better trained.
Genghis Khan, the leader of the Mongols may have been an unwashed barbarian, but he was also a smart strategist and a shrewd warrior. He sent a small caravan of goods into a small city of the shah’s empire to look like a gesture of good will, but in reality to test whom he was dealing with. The ruler of that city suspected they were spies and had their heads cut off and sent back to Genghis Khan. That, of course, meant war.
The shah didn’t worry too much about that. Let them come, he would crush them. The war maneuvers have unraveled along the 500-mile river that ran from north to south and separated the empire from the Mongolian territory to the east. The shah sent his mighty force to the river and after a fierce battle on the southern end the Mongols retreated. He also received the word of the Mongolian army consisting of motley crew of bums in rags on starving horses. Seeing that Mongols were not a match for his army he sent even more troops to the southern border. A few months later, however, another attack came unannounced, this time from the north side of the river. Unprepared for this kind of maneuver, the shah quickly dispatched a large part of his army to the north. This kind of back and forth continued for a few more months, exhausting the shah’s army. The troops were vast and immobile. They had the wagons and provisions and could not move as fast as the Mongols, each of who was riding one horse and having several other “spare” horses with them. This way they could drink horse’s milk, ride a fresh horse, and eat it if it became necessary.
As you can imagine this constant pestering, even though the Mongols were outnumbered, took a toll on the shah’s resources. Mongols relied on their mobility, dexterity with arrows while riding, communication techniques that included flags and torches rather than messengers. Shah had no option but to retreat to the west. Imagine his surprise when he arrived to the city of Bukhara, which was to the west of the capital city of Samarkand only to find the entire Genghis Khan army waiting for him at the city’s gates. Genghis Khan has managed the impossible: he crossed the impassable desert from the north, using his knowledge of chain of oases. Shah was destroyed; he fled with a handful of soldiers to an island in the Caspian Sea where he died of hunger.
Now, I hope I don’t need to interpret this story for you. You went to college, you know what a metaphor is. The teabaggers, the unorganized pests, are winning the battle. They are loud, they don’t have a clear message (they are against many things), they look like a bunch of buffoons, but their message sticks and yours doesn’t. You offer universal health coverage, they scream of the upcoming socialism and shit in your pool; your ideas are good, they don’t have any ideas. But they stand as one, they circle the wagons, they demand compromises from us and don’t give any concessions. And you, with all your intellectual superiority, bicker among yourselves, worrying about stupid minutiae when your house is on fire. For them when it’s time to think – they attack, when it’s time to attack – they attack. For you, when it’s time to think – you think, when it’s time to attack – you still think.
Indecisive pussies! Simply disgusting!
December 16, 2009
Freaking Democrats
Freaking Democrats can’t lead a prostitute to bed. They can’t even pass the watered down version of Health Bill. They were busy trying to make friends with Republicans, got none, but lost the base in the process.
Dear Lord! Please take their brains away and give them balls! That’s all I have to say about this – too frustrated.
December 14, 2009
Obama and the Banks
Poor Obama is between a rock and a hard place. Call the bankers fat cats and they get offended, get cozy with them and be accused of bending to corporate interests. And banks are ungrateful bitches. I think this whole situation should be played out like the scene in Star Wars where they “arrest” Chewbacca and the rebels and convoy them through the enemy ship to a safe place. Except I would have a frank Joe Pesci-esque talk with them afterwards. See my previous post. Wall Street Regulation
If you remember back in March when busloads of protesters were going to AIG headquarters, Obama said to bankers that his administration is the only thing standing between you and the pitchforks. And what do we get in return? Some oversensitive fucks on Wall Street who object the name calling? You’re already getting watered down regulations that won’t make any difference. So the least you can do is shut up about it and play along.
And for my conservative friends who still worry that Obama is a socialist, here’s the latest from Matt Taibbi. In a nutshell: you have nothing to worry about. Obama’s big Sellout
December 10, 2009
Republicans and Medicare
I’m still not sure whether they are for it or against it. Mitch McConnell’s website had him one day saying that cutting Medicare is not what Americans want and the next day – that expanding Medicare can lead to a financial ruin. Technically, it’s not a contradiction: Yes, Americans like their Medicare and perhaps expanding it would be tough on a budget. But there’s no doubt they like THEIR Medicare, because many Republicans over 65 and that includes Mitch McConnell as well as Chuck Grassley, Orin Hatch, Dick Lugar, James Inhofe, Saxby Chambliss, you can see the full list here:
List of Republicans recipients of Medicare
Which makes me think this is the case of “I got mine and screw the rest of you”.
Needless to say, when Social Security Act was passed in 1965 which included Medicare, most Republicans voted against it because they viewed it as a slippery slope towards Socialism. Ronald Reagan argued in 1961 that if Medicare wasn’t stopped “one of these days you and I are going to spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it once was like in America when men were free”. Oh, what pathos! 44 years have passed since then and now they are spending their sunset years reaping the benefits of “socialist” programs while telling the public the same old stories scary stories about “soshulism”. I think they kinda like it, but since it’s de mauvais ton in the Right circles to be recipients of government help they have to at least pay lip-service to “everybody for himself” mentality.
December 9, 2009
Health Care Clusterfuck #2
Back from vaca! I missed a lot of news, so I’ll start with the most recent.
I think the bill just got even more convoluted. Public Option Keeps Toehold in Senate Deal
Now there’s no straightforward public option but a “menu of national insurance plans” that will be modeled after current federal workers’ plans. I’m just not sure whether it will be run by government or private contractors sponsored by the government, a la Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. These plans will be overseen by federal agency that will be negotiating prices and fees with private insurance companies. There’s still a “fall-back” public option that is triggered if none of the above plans work. I think it will make the health care more byzantine in nature. Unless the Dems will structure the trigger in such a way that it’s always on. This reminds me of the way the delinquency trigger in structured products works. If this really is what Democrats have in mind then I have to applaud them. This way they will have the public option without scaring the public. And this will also leave Republicans without quick and handy slogans, because they would have to explain why this is bad, which would involve a lot of if/then scenarios. Which would put them into linguistic stupor.
I just hope Harry Reid knows what he’s doing. And also that no more crusaders with some stupid pet cause will come up with some stupid amendment.
December 1, 2009
Is there something in the water?
Or am I missing something?
Karl Rove applauds the President: Bush officials praise Obama
and right-wing blogger announces split from the Right?
Money quote: “The American right wing has gone off the rails, into the bushes, and off the cliff. I won’t be going over the cliff with them.”
That’s no fun. It makes me wanna take my toys and go home. My popcorn was just ready!
But seriously, if there are more guys like this and if the Republicans will get their minds back they will have a chance electorally. That’s the kind of opposition I want to see.
