Last Night’s Elections

How to lose an election in 10 steps:

  1. Pick a fringe candidate who will fire up the base
  2. Summon rogue cheerleaders
  3. Force the formidable candidate from you party to drop out
  4. Tell party establishment to go fuck themselves
  5. Receive an endorsement from Fox News Politburo
  6. Claim to get moral guidance from a talk show host
  7. Get all the newspapers who can’t tell trash from treasure on board
  8. Wallow in wishful thinking
  9. Start celebrating the night before the elections
  10. Stock up on Vaseline and morning-after pills for the next round


Hahahahahahaha! The ideologically pure candidate in NY-23 Doug Hoffman who was endorsed be equally ideologically pure Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, Club for Growth (?) and Wall Street freaking Journal went down in flames. I guess it sucks having Glenn Beck as your mentor. Of course, I can hardly find any mention of such a spectacular fuck up in NY-23 in major media sources, who busy themselves celebrating Republican gubernatorial wins in NJ and VA. But I understand – who would want to mention such an embarrassment; Hoffman was supposed to be a shoe in. Newt Gingrich, who supported Scozzafava, is going through “I told you, you stupid morons” stage today. Here’s an adult, who knows how to win with Republican candidates in historically Republican districts. But then the circus showed up – with clowns and elephants and shiny objects and he was reduced to trying to outshout or reason with those who scream for a living and have no brain. Oh, how much pleasure I get from watching the supposedly high-brow and buttoned-up Club for Growth and WSJ Editorial Board to scratch their fucking heads in bemusement this morning. They made themselves look like little kids who went after shiny object only to find out that the sparkle was generated by Rush Limbaugh’s shiny balding head.

Dear Republicans, you can dismiss it and celebrate the NJ and VA wins, but if I were you I’d be very concerned that a Democrat won a Republican seat in heavily Republican district in a year when rural voters are increasingly dissatisfied with Democrats and Obama. In the days leading to the election you tried to make it a referendum on Obama. So what do you say now? Maybe if you listen to Newt next time you’ll get lucky.


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